ever forward
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact

Working it Out...

10/14/2014

4 Comments

 
Picture
So, I joined a gym. This is not terribly characteristic of me as you may know (I'm one of those people for which running feels like the worst sort of torture and who doesn't believe in this supposed "runners high" that people speak of. Come on runners, just admit it, that's not a thing). 

I did it partially because I'm doing a play soon and I want my energy and stamina to be on point (and lets face it i'm also highly motivated by the thought of strangers sitting in a darkened room and staring at me). I also did it partially, and probably more significantly, because this whole year of being utterly out of control of my body has really done a number on me. My body and I are in a bit of a weird place. In some ways I feel more comfortable in my skin than ever because I'm proud of it for emerging from battle and still getting me from place to place on a daily basis. In other ways however, I think, without realizing it, somewhere along the way I lost a certain amount of faith in its ability. I counted on my body to perform what I thought of as a basic human function and it punked out on me. I know those are unfair expectations to put on my little body, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't internalized some of those negative messages.

Now that the dust has settled and all my medical interventions are for the most part behind me, I am left to look at what parts of me may have atrophied from lack of attention over the last 10 months. There are relationships that could use more nurturing, there are projects that could use energy breathed into them, and there are body parts that could use strengthening. This is something they don't really tell you about miscarriage and infertility (well, to be honest, "they" tell you very little don't they?) : that you will emerge stronger in so many ways, but also emerge with quite a bit of repair work to do in terms of your relationship to yourself.  For me, now is the time to take stock of what is left to do and one small step toward that is chugging my butt over to the gym as often as possible. Each time I walk out of there a sweaty mess (which, for me, at this point is the best part of going--the leaving bit), I remind myself that I even though I may not possess the most grace or agility from a physical fitness standpoint, I am more than strong enough to clean up the messes that the Universe left for me. 

Muscle memory is a thing. I feel pockets of emotion shake out of me as my legs tremble and old pains and fears sweat out through my pores, but I'm doing my best to stay with it so that in a few months I will be 5'10" and 100 pounds (Just kidding. That actually sounds truly terrifying to me). I'm trying to stay with it because I want to continuously reinforce that my body is capable, is adaptable, is resilient, is enough. I think if that is the energy with which I approach my physical being, then the rest will fall into place as it is meant to. It's worth a try. 

4 Comments
Janine
10/14/2014 09:19:18 am

Love how you continue to move ahead... Healing and getting stronger every day! I will try to follow your example ... You are amazing!

Reply
Becca, The Ever Forward Blog link
10/16/2014 01:58:06 am

eh, i'm still that same gal who hated every second of weezing through The Mile each year from elementary school right through 12th haha thanks for your support! lots of love!

Reply
Kevin
10/15/2014 10:56:23 am

Runner's high...it's a thing!

Reply
Becca, The Ever Forward Blog link
10/16/2014 01:56:28 am

lies! all lies! ;)

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    lover of life. celebrator of everything. drama therapist. wife. friend. picking up the pieces. finding creative ways to put them back together.

    Archives

    August 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014

    Categories

    All
    Doctor Appointments
    Ever Forward Fails
    Ever Forward Wins
    Guest Blogger
    Holidays
    Letting Go
    Mini Posts
    Miscarriage
    Surgery
    Top 10s
    Waiting !

    RSS Feed

    © Rebecca Elkin-Young  and theEverForward.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Rebecca Elkin-Young and TheEverForward.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.