I was told so often during this process-- take care of yourself and get plenty of rest. It seemed like a sensible enough stepping stone toward decreased anxiety and eventual healing. However, I have to imagine the most common response to people telling you "get plenty of rest" is rampant insomnia. At least that was my experience. And nowwwwww introducing for the very first in my "EVER FORWARD FAIL" Series :
The Top 10 Things I Found Myself Doing in the middle of the night when I was not getting this supposed, elusive, healing rest:
10. Obsessing. Obsessively : Maybe my calculations were off and thats why the baby is measuring small. Maybe it was that cold medicine I took before I knew I was preggo that is causing all this. Maybe a black cat crossed my path and sprayed me with evil luck. Maybe I'm obsessing too much. Am I obsessing too much ?
9. Organizing. Badly : There was an evening that I spent the hours of 2AM- 4AM shuffling things around in my medicine cabinet and in the morning it still looked-if possible-worse. I wondered if I had dreamt it. I hadn't. I was just that dysfunctional at the moment.
8. Eating. On the Floor : Why on the floor, you ask? Reasonable question. Something about impending doom makes you do bizarre things. Like sitting cross-legged on the floor eating your way through a box of tasteless water crackers. Sure, we'll say it was because I was nauseous.
7. Reading. Without Comprehension : I would say this experience has provided me with a stack of approximately 15-20 unfinished books. I would be up at like 3 AM staring at the pages and by around 5AM I'd have turned a handful of chapters without having the slightest clue what I just read. Then I'd lose interest.
6. Looking at Facebook. All of it : I would stare at the glow of my iPhone for hours on end in the wee hours of the morning (I know, I know, that's supposed to make it even HARDER to fall asleep). By dawn I knew what you thought of every episode of House of Cards, "What City You Should Actually Live in", where you went on vacation, your snarky take on celebrity affairs, and had seen every cat video on the Internet.
5. Message Boards. Satan's Candy : I read thousands of pregnancy message boards and worked to stretch and contort each one to fit my situation and glean maximum comfort out of each. Please refer to #10.
4. Wallowing. Like No Other : Now, I enjoy a good wallow under normal circumstances (see : My Spotify Playlists : "All The Worlds Beautiful Sadness" and "One Stop Shop for Melancholia" … I wish I was taking creative license here, people), but this experience took it to a whole new level. I didn't indulge too much during the day, but at night… well, I did.
3. Composing Epic Emails. Sorry Friends. : Sometimes 3 AM just feels like the right time to express your true feelings of undying love and soul connection to friends and family in a detailed novel of an email. Nope. I'm not drunk. Stone cold sober and hormonally imbalanced (which may be worse).
2. Crafting. At sub-par Levels : Any one need a janky looking friendship bracelet made at 4 in the morning?? No? Ok. Well let me know because I have like 10 of them.
1. Staring Blankly at the Ceiling. This one is fairly self explanatory.