If I were a total nerd, I would have called this blog post MOMorial day. But of course I would never even think of something that nerdy because I'm so flippin' rad. This is another late-edition blog post because I did a weekend away for Memorial Day and instead of drafting up a blog post on Monday, I fell asleep on a sunny deck with a drink propped against my side. So, a different kind of productivity. Over the weekend we spent time with friends who have a house by the beach. While we hung out with their friends from the little beach community there (a fun couple who have two kids).
Over afternoon drinks, the husband of said couple asked me when Chris and I were planning on having kids. Feeling like it was not the place to launch into one of my signature real-talk heart-to-hearts I answered playfully with "who knows!" and shot a knowing smile at my girlfriend who is my sister in the trenches of reproductive dysfunction. I couldn't help noting how that question no longer has the emotional sting for me as it once did. A little later in the afternoon again it came up when one of the children was having a tantrum and he joked, "Aren't you glad you made the choice not to have kids?". Again I kind of just shrugged it off, no biggie. I coached myself internally, saying : not everything has to be a miscarriage in-service, Becca. Then in the early evening when we were slouched in the living room even more socially lubricated from day-drinking, I got asked a THIRD time, this time more directly, "No really, I know its a personal question, but are you guys planning on having kids at all?"
I don't really know why this was such a topic of interest, but I guess people just like to figure each other out sometimes. I wasn't going to do a big song and dance, but by the third time I felt I had held out long enough that no one could accuse me of being "that chick who always brings up miscarriage" so I might as well just answer openly and simply. I did. I said that our lack of children wasn't due to lack of wanting one, but that last year we had lost a baby. The honesty was met with comfortable honesty in return. He said he was so sorry to hear that and shared that they had lost a pregnancy very early on. And that was it.
It is wild to look back and see how this question used to throw me for SUCH a loop and now I actually in a way enjoy the chance to share and be honest about my experience. I think people like stories of success, but what they like even more are people who are honest about the stumbles, bumbles, tears, and falls along the way, because those are moments to which we can all relate. This brings me to a topic that I have been musing a lot on due to a book that my dear friend Courtney recently gifted me about embracing failures and getting back up even stronger after. To be continued! Stay tuned for my big "celebration of the beauty of getting the crap kicked out of you by life" post next week...
Over afternoon drinks, the husband of said couple asked me when Chris and I were planning on having kids. Feeling like it was not the place to launch into one of my signature real-talk heart-to-hearts I answered playfully with "who knows!" and shot a knowing smile at my girlfriend who is my sister in the trenches of reproductive dysfunction. I couldn't help noting how that question no longer has the emotional sting for me as it once did. A little later in the afternoon again it came up when one of the children was having a tantrum and he joked, "Aren't you glad you made the choice not to have kids?". Again I kind of just shrugged it off, no biggie. I coached myself internally, saying : not everything has to be a miscarriage in-service, Becca. Then in the early evening when we were slouched in the living room even more socially lubricated from day-drinking, I got asked a THIRD time, this time more directly, "No really, I know its a personal question, but are you guys planning on having kids at all?"
I don't really know why this was such a topic of interest, but I guess people just like to figure each other out sometimes. I wasn't going to do a big song and dance, but by the third time I felt I had held out long enough that no one could accuse me of being "that chick who always brings up miscarriage" so I might as well just answer openly and simply. I did. I said that our lack of children wasn't due to lack of wanting one, but that last year we had lost a baby. The honesty was met with comfortable honesty in return. He said he was so sorry to hear that and shared that they had lost a pregnancy very early on. And that was it.
It is wild to look back and see how this question used to throw me for SUCH a loop and now I actually in a way enjoy the chance to share and be honest about my experience. I think people like stories of success, but what they like even more are people who are honest about the stumbles, bumbles, tears, and falls along the way, because those are moments to which we can all relate. This brings me to a topic that I have been musing a lot on due to a book that my dear friend Courtney recently gifted me about embracing failures and getting back up even stronger after. To be continued! Stay tuned for my big "celebration of the beauty of getting the crap kicked out of you by life" post next week...
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